i love this one too, but there was a certain darkness and pain in the other one, the feeling that your being is slipping out from between your fingers and you can't grab onto it because your fingers are melting too, and i felt that that mood really suited what i was trying to communiacte with the poem... the revised one feels more serene... but, like i said, i still love it, and it means a lot to me that i inspired you to create it. the process of publishing my next book is looking like it's going to take quite a long time... my first one took 3 years! but i will for sure keep you updated, and am so happy that you are contributing to it.

--
bits clung to the lungs of the smokers like a burnt collage
bits fell to the ground, surrounding them in a soft dust of black ash
bits swirled around them in mystic arabesques
stained teeth and stained eyes and stained souls
gleaming through the haze

Oh, well, in that time I may be able to recover some previous feeling of what was there in the first one. I was also not so happy with the second one.

And knowing me, I'll make changes if I'm not happy with it.

--
By the Gods! It's Kris!


I excell in little, yet surpass many.